“A balanced inner calmness radiates from a peaceful centre.” – Donna Goddard
The holiday season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be one of the most stressful. The pressure to find perfect gifts, prepare elaborate meals, decorate like a magazine spread, and entertain relatives can leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted—especially when we’re already managing chronic illness, caregiving responsibilities, or simply trying to keep our heads above water in daily life.
But what if we gave ourselves permission to do less? What if we transformed the holiday season into a time of mindfulness, spiritual connection, and reflection—without the guilt of unfinished to-do lists?
This isn’t about achieving some perfect, peaceful holiday. This is about being honest with ourselves about our energy, our capacity, and what truly matters to us and our families. Let me share some ways I’m trying to navigate this season—imperfectly, but intentionally.
GETTING REAL ABOUT OUR CAPACITY
This year, we have a lot going on. There’s just the two of us—my son and me—and I felt genuinely good when we got our wreath out front, our small 5-foot pre-lit tree up, and a holiday-inspired tablecloth on the table. For us, that’s enough. Really. Then the presents will arrive and add their color, and it’ll feel festive and warm.
I’ve learned (slowly, with some resistance) that I’m okay and we’re okay if the stair garland isn’t wrapped, if all the outdoor decorations aren’t out, if the house doesn’t look like a Hallmark movie set. We can keep a year simple. Again, it comes down to energy. And being honest about how much we have.
This year, I’m feeling like I don’t have much energy for elaborate holiday preparations. But here’s what I’ve realized: a simple tree with lights still looks just as lovely at night as one hugely bedazzled. For us. It all depends on what you need and what you can manage.
For those of us dealing with chronic illness or limited spoons, this honesty about capacity isn’t giving up—it’s being wise. It’s choosing presence over perfection. It’s deciding that a peaceful evening with our people matters more than checking off every item on Pinterest’s “Ultimate Holiday Checklist.”
What does “enough” look like for you this year? Can you give yourself permission to define that for yourself, regardless of what everyone else seems to be doing?
EMBRACE MINDFULNESS (IN WHATEVER MOMENTS WE CAN FIND)
During the holiday season, it’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of gift shopping, decorating, and party planning, leaving little room for mindfulness. The truth is, we might not have hours for elaborate practices. But even small moments of intentional presence can help us experience the true magic of the season.
Meditation (Even Just a Few Breaths): Can we dedicate even a few minutes each day to stillness? Find a quiet space—maybe in your car before going into the store, maybe in the bathroom with the door locked—sit comfortably, and focus on your breath. This simple practice can help reduce stress and increase our awareness of the present moment. Some days, three deep breaths is all we can manage. That counts.
Mindful Eating: During holiday meals and gatherings, can we try to savor a few bites of our favorite dishes? Pay attention to the flavors, textures, and aromas. Mindful eating can help us appreciate the joy of sharing a meal with loved ones—even if we can only manage small portions due to dietary restrictions or symptoms.
Gratitude Practice: Consider jotting down a few things you’re grateful for—not necessarily every day, but when the thought occurs to you. This practice can shift our focus from the pressure of materialism to appreciation for the simple joys we’re actually experiencing. I keep mine brief: “Good conversation with Sarah,” “Tree looks pretty,” “Made it through the day.”
NURTURE SPIRITUAL CONNECTION (IN WAYS THAT FEEL RIGHT FOR YOU)
Regardless of our religious beliefs, there are ways to infuse the holiday season with a sense of spiritual purpose and meaning. But let’s be honest—adding more obligations to our already-full plates isn’t the answer.
Attend Services or Gatherings (If You’re Able): If you belong to a faith community, attending special services can provide a sense of belonging and spiritual rejuvenation. But if getting to a service feels overwhelming—if you’re too tired, if your symptoms are flaring, if you just can’t manage one more thing—it’s okay to skip it. Your spiritual connection isn’t measured by perfect attendance.
Here’s something helpful: many faiths now live stream their special services on YouTube. So even if your local place of worship doesn’t offer streaming, you can likely find a service within your faith to watch from home. Sometimes participating in pajamas from your couch, without the energy drain of getting ready and driving, is exactly what we need. There’s no shame in that.
Create Simple Rituals: Establish small, meaningful rituals that align with your beliefs and capacity. Light a candle. Say a brief prayer. Take a moment of silence before a meal. These don’t have to be elaborate—they just have to be intentional.
Volunteer or Give Back (In Manageable Ways): One of the best ways to connect with our spiritual side during the holidays is by giving back. But this doesn’t have to mean spending hours at a soup kitchen if that’s beyond your capacity. Donate online. Send encouraging messages. Make one meal for a struggling friend. Small acts of kindness count—they’re not less valuable because they’re not grand gestures.
REFLECT ON WHAT THIS SEASON ACTUALLY MEANS TO US
In the midst of the hustle and bustle, it’s easy to lose sight of what this season represents to us personally. For me this year, I’m more about the experiences of the season than the gift-giving—fun advent calendars, holiday concerts and plays, walking downtown in the Christmas lights as a family.
If your household is like ours, everyone has plenty of stuff, but we don’t have enough time with each other. I continually ask if relatives can gift experiences far more than shirts, books, or games. Their time is such a gift to us. An afternoon together, a shared meal, their presence at a school event—these are the things we’ll remember.
Set Realistic Intentions: Before the holiday rush overwhelms us, can we set clear intentions for how we want to experience Christmas? What values and emotions do we want to prioritize? For me, it’s connection, simplicity, and presence. What’s on your list?
Honor Meaningful Traditions (And Let Others Go): One tradition we’ve had for the past few years was watching a holiday movie or episode every night. Yes, I made a calendar plotting them out (because I’m me), though we stayed loose—if we weren’t feeling the Grinch that night but more Miracle on 34th Street, we’d change.
But this year, my son is in high school. Many nights, for the sake of focus, there are no screens except maybe study music. So we’ve only watched a handful of holiday movies, and that’s okay. It means we’re busy living. It means we’ve had dinners and activities late into the day with friends and family and church. Sometimes the best traditions are the ones we’re flexible enough to let evolve—or even skip—when life requires it.
Rethink Gift-Giving: Instead of getting caught up in the consumerism of Christmas, can we focus on thoughtful and meaningful gift-giving? Consider giving homemade gifts (if you have the energy), donating to a charity in someone’s name, or giving the gift of time and experiences. For us, planning an experience we’ll have during this season or in the new year has become more valuable than any item wrapped under the tree.
MANAGE THE CHAOS (WITH COMPASSION FOR OURSELVES)
While mindfulness and reflection can add depth to our holiday experience, we also need practical strategies to manage the season without depleting ourselves completely.
Plan Ahead (But Stay Flexible): Creating a holiday schedule can help—listing out time for shopping, cooking, and decorating. Making to-do lists and prioritizing tasks keeps us organized. But here’s the key: these plans need to be flexible. If we wake up with a flare-up, if we’re exhausted, if something takes more energy than anticipated, we need permission to adjust without guilt.
Delegate Without Guilt: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Enlist family members or friends to share in the holiday preparations. Can someone else bring the dessert? Can your teenager wrap gifts? Can you order the meal instead of cooking from scratch? Working together can be a bonding experience—and it can save your energy for the things that matter most to you.
Set Boundaries (And Protect Your Peace): It’s okay to say no to additional commitments or invitations if it will help you maintain your sanity and prioritize what matters most. This is hard, especially for women who’ve been conditioned to say yes, to accommodate, to make everyone else comfortable. But protecting our energy during the holidays isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Keep Connections Meaningful: I do try to get a holiday letter out each year. As a writer, I don’t tend to just send a postcard of pics but a brief retelling of our year. There’s a bonus for me, too: recapping helps me remember what a good year we had. I put these letters in my New Year journal to make it easier to keep these works as memories.
Find what works for you. Maybe it’s a simple text to friends. Maybe it’s one phone call to someone you miss. Maybe it’s just showing up as you are, without the pressure of being perfectly festive.
CONCLUSION: PRESENCE OVER PERFECTION
Turning chaos into joy isn’t about eliminating the hustle and bustle of the season. It’s not about achieving some Instagram-perfect holiday. It’s about finding balance and meaning amidst it all—even when (especially when) we’re managing more than most people realize.
I want to invite us all to create a holiday season that is not only joyful but also sustainable for our actual lives and actual capacity. Remember that the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others during this time is the gift of presence, authenticity, and grace—for ourselves and each other.
A simple tree is enough. A quiet moment is enough. Showing up as we are, with the energy we have, is enough.
You are enough.
How are you navigating the holidays this year? What does “enough” look like for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and the ways you’re protecting your peace this season.