“I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.”—Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, We Should All Be Feminists
Lately, I’ve been feeling adrift in my own life. Where am I going? What am I truly doing? You know—the big, existential, only-one-life kind of questioning that tends to show up uninvited at 2 a.m. or while we’re folding laundry for the thousandth time.
During these times, I try hard to keep an ear out for Divine to speak, to guide me. And a few weeks ago, four simple words arrived:
Stand. Speak. Share. Persist.
These four words have become our compass—mine and maybe yours too—reminding us of the importance of being ourselves, sharing what’s in our hearts, and keeping going toward a fulfilling life. Let’s explore what each one means and how we might live them out together.
STAND
Standing is about owning who we are, embracing our uniqueness, and refusing to conform to expectations that don’t fit us. It’s a reminder to be authentic and true to ourselves, regardless of external pressures or judgments.
Standing out can be daunting, especially for women. We may fear rejection, criticism, or being labeled as “difficult” or “too much.” And yet, we know that it’s precisely our uniqueness that makes us valuable. When we stand in our authenticity, we attract people and opportunities that align with our true selves, leading to more meaningful connections and a sense of fulfillment.
Here’s what I’m learning as I enter my mid-50s: I understand the Red Hat Society even better now. Time is ticking, friends. Be brave. Wear the bright hat, the bold lipstick, the orange leopard coat you adore. Life is genuinely too short to keep that amazing thing hidden in the closet because we’re worried it’s “too much.”
But standing goes beyond our physical appearance. It’s about standing out with our words, our art, our gifts, our voices. I used to be involved in theater in my youth, and I now feel called to it again. Thankfully, I have some encouraging friends who support me in the notion of auditioning once more. I haven’t made it to an audition yet—but I do visualize myself standing up and returning to this joy. For me. Not for validation, not for applause (though that would be nice), but because it feeds my SoulFire.
Standing also means taking a stand for what we believe in. Whether we’re advocating for better healthcare access, environmental sustainability, supportive workplace policies, or simply our own needs and boundaries—standing up for our convictions can be a powerful force for positive change. It requires courage, especially when we’re already dealing with chronic illness, caregiving exhaustion, or simply trying to survive the week. But it’s through these actions that we can make a difference, even if it’s just in our own corner of the world.
What would it look like for you to stand a little taller in your own life? What’s the metaphorical orange leopard coat you’ve been keeping in the closet?
SPEAK
Speaking is about using our voices to communicate our thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It’s a reminder that our words have power—they can influence, inspire, connect, and create change.
We often underestimate the impact our words can have on others and the world around us. Speaking doesn’t require a grand stage or a captive audience. It might be speaking up in a doctor’s appointment to advocate for ourselves. It might be voicing our needs to family members who assume we’re fine. It might be sharing our expertise in a meeting even when imposter syndrome whispers that we have nothing valuable to contribute.
When we find the courage to speak our truth—even when our voices shake—we open the door to deeper connections and personal growth. We also give permission to others to do the same.
Here’s the vulnerable truth: speaking up is scary. What if we’re judged? What if we’re wrong? What if people think we’re too loud, too opinionated, too much? These fears are real, and they’re especially loud for those of us who’ve been conditioned to be accommodating, to not make waves, to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over our own truth.
But our voices matter. Our perspectives matter. Our experiences—with chronic illness, with caregiving, with juggling impossible demands—give us insights that need to be heard.
Remember: we don’t have to be perfect to speak. We don’t have to have all the answers. We just have to be willing to share what we know, what we’ve learned, what we’ve survived.
SHARE
Sharing is about vulnerability. It’s about opening up and allowing others to see not just our highlights, but our imperfections and struggles too.
I’ll be honest: this is the hardest step for me. Maybe for you too?
Like many of us, pre-age 25, sharing our gifts felt pretty natural, even fun. It felt like they were wanted. But then we start entering the world more and more. We meet the kind of people who knock others down. Dreams ebb. Hopes die. We learn to protect ourselves by staying small, by keeping our gifts tucked away where they can’t be criticized or dismissed.
And then there’s the age factor. To be completely frank, I worry about sharing my gifts at this stage—opening myself up again after 50, when women are supposedly invisible (which is complete bunk, by the way, but the world sure wants us to believe it). If my track record is anything like my romance record, well… this might not go well.
I know that’s my imposter syndrome and inner critic talking. I know I shouldn’t listen. But she gets really loud sometimes, doesn’t she? That voice that says “Who do you think you are?” and “It’s too late” and “Nobody wants to hear from you.”
And yet. Sometimes the other voice gets loud too—the one inspired by amazing women who did extraordinary things after 50. Grandma Moses didn’t start painting seriously until her late 70s. Ina Garten launched her Food Network career at 54. Martha Stewart built her empire in her 40s and 50s. Oprah launched OWN at 56. Jane Fonda reinvented herself multiple times after 50. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until she was 50.
These women didn’t let the world’s narrative about aging women stop them. They shared their gifts anyway. They stood in the arena despite the fear of judgment. And the world is richer for it.
This whole site, actually, is about me practicing this—sharing myself, my heart, my thoughts, my SoulSong—daring it all to be seen and therefore potentially judged. As Brené Brown has spoken about, it’s being vulnerable, being in the arena. It’s sharing not just as “woman X” but saying “Hi, it’s me, Jeny D., and these are my words, my experiences, my truth.”
I need a courageous push now and again to actually do it. To hit publish. To share the video (ack, with my face in it!). To put my name on my work instead of hiding behind anonymity or perfectionism or “maybe later when I’m more ready.”
This is when it’s important to have our “why”—why we started, why we want this. Remembering our why in these moments can make the difference between sharing that post and leaving it in drafts forever. My why? Because maybe someone out there needs to hear that they’re not alone. That someone else is struggling too. That it’s okay to be imperfect and still show up. That being over 50 doesn’t mean we’re done—it might mean we’re just getting started.
But sharing isn’t just about vulnerability—it’s also about giving back and fostering community. It’s a reminder that our actions can have a positive impact on the lives of those we touch. When we share our time, knowledge, resources, or simply our love and support—without expecting something in return—we create connections that matter.
For those of us managing chronic illness or caregiving responsibilities, sharing might look different than it does for others. We might not have energy for grand gestures. But sharing a genuine “me too” comment? Offering one piece of hard-won wisdom? Showing up for a friend even when we’re struggling ourselves? That counts. That matters.
When we share—in whatever way we can, at whatever age we are—we create a ripple effect of connection and understanding that extends far beyond ourselves. And we give permission to other women to do the same.
PERSIST
Persistence is about staying committed to our goals and dreams, even in the face of obstacles and setbacks. It’s a reminder that meaningful things often require patience and resilience.
Let me share something: I’ve been working on the materials for this site for more than five years. Ideas come to me while showering, working my day job, driving my son somewhere—in other words, not particularly opportune times, just like most of you experience. But the ideas haven’t let go of me. The thoughts continue to come, and therefore I persist.
And here’s what I want you to know: if you have some goal or dream in your life that just doesn’t seem to leave you, please take it as the inner whisper, the guided message it is. You are meant to do it, dear friend. You have the stuff.
It’s easy to become discouraged when our efforts don’t yield immediate results. When we have to stop working on our dreams because of a health flare-up. When caregiving demands consume all our creative energy. When we’re simply too exhausted to do one more thing. But true progress often comes from our ability to persevere—not in a “push through at all costs” way, but in a “I’ll come back to this when I can” way.
Persistence isn’t about blindly pushing forward without reflection or rest. It’s about learning from our mistakes, adjusting our strategies, taking breaks when we need them, and continuing to work toward our aspirations in whatever way we can manage right now.
For those of us dealing with chronic illness or limited energy, persistence might mean working on our dreams in 15-minute increments. It might mean going months without progress and then picking it back up when we’re able. It might mean redefining what success looks like based on our current capacity.
When we persist—in our own way, at our own pace—we discover our inner strength and resilience. We prove to ourselves that our dreams are worth returning to, again and again, even when the path is harder than we imagined.
YOUR SOULFIRE COMPASS
In the ever-evolving journey of self-discovery and purposeful living, “Stand. Speak. Share. Persist.” can serve as our compass—helping us approach challenges, interact with others, and navigate life with intention.
These four words guide us toward a life filled with purpose, authenticity, and meaningful connections. They remind us to stand up for who we are and what we believe in, to speak up for what matters, to share with generosity and courage, and to persist in the pursuit of our dreams—even when (especially when) the journey is difficult.
This isn’t about perfection. We won’t stand tall every day. Some days we’ll be too tired to speak up. Sometimes we’ll keep our vulnerabilities private because we need to protect our energy. And there will be seasons when persistence looks like simply surviving rather than pursuing dreams.
And that’s okay. This compass isn’t about doing all four things perfectly all the time. It’s about having these words as touchstones we can return to when we’re ready, when we’re able, when we need a reminder of who we want to be and how we want to show up in our own lives.
May these words inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and to live a life that is authentically yours—filled with as much purpose and meaning as you can create, given everything you’re navigating.
What’s your phrase or mantra that keeps you focused and moving forward? I’d love to hear what words guide your compass in the comments below.