Confession: I am a woman in my mid-50s and I keep a pair of orange pompoms in my office.
They sit on my shelf as a reminder that once upon a time, I was a high school cheerleader. Only for one year—I was definitely loud enough (heehee), and I must have been pretty okay since I was never admonished for not nailing the jumps or routines. But two things made it challenging: I felt incredibly self-conscious in that outfit (so much leg! my boobs look even bigger in this sweater!), and it turns out when you’re a cheerleader, you can’t really be a sports person (read: getting to heckle the other team or the refs). So I ended up becoming the sports editor of our high school newspaper instead. There you go.
But the cheering has stayed with me. I have brain cells still devoted to whole routines, cheers, and how precisely to clap. And some days, I’m incredibly grateful for it.
Donating my original pompoms during some move was probably one of my biggest regrets, which is why I bought new ones for my office. They remind me that once I did something really nervy and out of my comfort zone, and I had fun at it. I have that girl in me too—as much as the thoughtful writer, there’s also the loud, ever-smiling cheerleader.
So yes, on dreary days, I pick up those pompoms and give a little cheer. If you’ve read my other posts, you know I’m all about shifting energy to break up my “rut of the moment,” and these babies do it—that unmistakable sound of pompoms rustling with anticipation, giving a big smile to the invisible crowd, and using my throat chakra with a positive cheer or whoop!
Why Do We Stop Cheering for Ourselves? Did You Ever Start?
Somewhere between being that brave high school girl and becoming the women we are now, most of us lost the art of self-encouragement. We became excellent at cheering for everyone else—our kids, our partners, our colleagues, our friends. We celebrate their wins, big and small. We send the congratulatory texts. We show up with enthusiasm for their achievements.
But ourselves? We downplay. We deflect. We minimize.
“Oh, it was nothing.”
“Anyone could have done that.”
“I just got lucky.”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
We’ve been conditioned to believe that celebrating ourselves is somehow arrogant, self-centered, or “too much.” Women, especially, are taught to be humble, to not take up space, to make others comfortable by staying small. Add in the challenges many of us face—chronic illness that makes us feel like we’re “not doing enough,” caregiving roles that leave no energy for ourselves, aging in a society that treats us as invisible—and the idea of cheering for ourselves can feel pretty ridiculous.
Who am I to celebrate this small thing I did? It’s not like I cured cancer or won a Nobel Prize.
But here’s the truth: when we refuse to acknowledge our own accomplishments, when we dismiss our own efforts, when we never give ourselves the encouragement we so freely give to others—our inner SoulFire burns lower and lower.
Self-Encouragement is Kindling for our Spirit
Without self-encouragement, we start to believe we’re not worthy of celebration. We internalize the message that our efforts don’t matter, our growth doesn’t count, our wins aren’t real wins.
This shows up in so many ways:
- We stop trying new things because “what’s the point?”
- We don’t pursue our dreams because “who am I to think I could do that?”
- We stay stuck in situations that drain us because we don’t believe we deserve better
- We exhaust ourselves trying to earn external validation instead of giving ourselves internal recognition
- We lose touch with what we’re actually good at, what we’ve actually accomplished, what we’ve actually survived
Our SoulFire needs fuel. And one of the most powerful forms of fuel is our own belief in ourselves—our own recognition of our efforts, our own celebration of our progress, our own acknowledgment that we’re doing something worthwhile.
When we refuse to cheer for ourselves, we’re essentially starving our own fire.
The Brag Book I Haven’t Made
A few years ago, I came across the concept of professional “brag books”—the idea that we should absolutely be keeping a file of those emails from colleagues and clients telling us how great we did something, as well as anything about projects we led or were a big part of. The brag book helps us in darker moments remember we don’t suck. It helps when shaping our resume or when imposter syndrome strikes.
I have not fully created a brag book. And honestly, I ask myself why. Why am I great at cheering for the team but not myself still? Why can I keep pompoms on my shelf as a cute reminder but not actually document my achievements? Why is it so hard to collect evidence of my own competence and refer back to it when I need it?
I don’t have a complete answer. But I know I’m not alone in this struggle. So many of us find it easier to encourage others than to encourage ourselves. We find it easier to celebrate someone else’s small win than our own significant achievement.
It’s time to change that.
The YES Moments We Forget
Here’s what I’m realizing: we all have some pretty amazing jobs or experiences during our lives. But does your family know you did these things? Do your friends now? Can you recall how much they mean to you even now—can you feel yourself time travel right back into those moments? Can you remember that you once did something that aligned with your big YES with the universe?
I think these memories help us in knowing how we will feel again when our SoulFire is burning steady, because those were the moments it was.
Some of my YES moments in life that I barely talk about:
Columnist and Editor – The tidbit earlier of becoming my high school paper’s sports editor my senior year was a pretty big accomplishment seeing as it was the late 80s and I was a girl. I also got a monthly column to share my senior observations. This experience sent me off to college confident in my decision to major in journalism.
Sang at Carnegie Hall – My choir performed there my junior year of high school. Yes, yours truly has sang on that esteemed stage. Granted, with hundreds of other voices, but still—it’s a really cool thing to think about sometimes.
Radio morning DJ – Twice a week at Michigan State University radio station, picking the tunes, using my voice to say sassy things between songs. Yes, my voice helped wake up over 40,000 college students each week. Loved it!
Early website producer for Oprah.com – Developing content that truly helped others in living their better lives. This work and the experiences it brought matter so much to me.
Commissioned artist – In my struggling 40s, I’d started making collage/mosaic pieces out of recycled Mardi Gras beads (I was living on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi at the time), and yes, I was paid several hundred dollars to replicate a company’s logo in recycled beads. How fun is that?!
These were moments when my fire burned bright. When I was fully aligned with who I was meant to be in that moment. When I said YES to life and life said YES back.
And yet… I don’t talk about them much. I don’t include them in my “about” sections. I barely mention them to new friends. Are they namedropping? Are they bragging? Are they “too much”?
Rationally, no. They’re evidence that I’ve done brave things. Evidence that my SoulFire has burned bright before and can again. Evidence that I deserve to be proud of myself. And so do you.
This is exactly why we need those brag books… those reminders of our YES moments. Not to inflate our egos, but to remember who we are when we forget. To reconnect with times when we were fully alive and aligned. To fuel our fires when they burn low.
What are YOUR YES moments? The experiences that made you feel fully alive? The times your fire burned brightest? Don’t dismiss them. Don’t minimize them. They matter. They’re part of your story. They’re evidence of your capacity for joy, courage, and alignment.
Write them down. Tell someone about them. Put them in your brag book. Let yourself remember and feel proud.
What Self-Encouragement Actually Sounds Like
If you’re like me, you might not even know what healthy self-encouragement sounds like anymore. We’ve spent so long being “humble” and “appropriate” that genuine self-celebration feels foreign.
So let’s get specific. Here’s what speaking to yourself like someone you believe in might sound like:
Instead of: “I barely got through today.”
Try: “I got through a really hard day. That took strength. Good job me.”
Instead of: “Anyone could have done that.”
Try: “I did that. I brought my unique skills and rocked it.”
Instead of: “I should be doing more.”
Try: “Look at what I managed to do with the energy and time I had.”
Instead of: “I just got lucky.”
Try: “I prepared, I showed up, and I made it happen.”
Notice the difference? Self-encouragement isn’t about inflating your ego or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about acknowledging the reality of your effort, your resilience, your contribution.
It’s about speaking to yourself with the same kindness, belief, and enthusiasm you’d likely offer to anyone you care about and believe in.
Practical Ways to Start Cheering for Yourself
1. Create that brag book (or brag file, or brag note on your phone)
Start collecting evidence of your competence and worth. Save those positive emails. Write down compliments you receive. Note your accomplishments—big and small. When imposter syndrome strikes or you’re in a dark moment, you’ll have proof that you don’t actually suck.
I’m committing to finally doing this. Will you join me?
2. Find your version of pompoms
What’s your physical reminder that you can do hard things? Maybe it’s not literal pompoms (though honestly, they’re pretty great for energy shifts). Maybe it’s:
– A trophy or award from any point in your life
– A photo of yourself doing something brave
– A piece of art you created
– A note from someone who believed in you
– An object from a time you stepped out of your comfort zone
Keep it visible. Let it remind you: you have that person in you too.
3. Celebrate small wins out loud
Literally say it out loud. “I did that!” “Good job, [your name]!” “That was hard and I did it anyway!” It might feel weird at first, but using your voice (your throat chakra, if you will) to acknowledge your own wins is powerful.
Bonus points if you do a little whoop or cheer. I’m serious. The energy shift is real.
4. Reframe “small” accomplishments
That thing you’re dismissing as “small”? Let’s reframe it with the kind of encouragement it actually deserves:
- Got out of bed when your chronic illness was flaring? That’s not small. “Woohoo, look at your Wonder Woman strength, mama, to keep going!”
- Made dinner when you were exhausted from caregiving? That’s not small. “Hey hey chef! Nice work on a tough day!”
- Sent one email for your business when you were nervous or scared? That’s not small. “Look at you facing down fear and doing it anyway. Woot!”
- Finished that project even though it wasn’t perfect? That’s not small. “You completed something today. This matters! One step closer!”
- Set a boundary even though it was uncomfortable? That’s not small. “You honored your needs. That took courage, beautiful. So proud!”
Context matters. What looks “small” from the outside often represents massive effort given your circumstances. You get to acknowledge that effort—with enthusiasm, with celebration, with the kind of cheer you’d give someone else.
5. Speak to yourself like someone you believe in
What would you say to someone you deeply believe in who just did what you did? Would you tell them it was nothing? Would you dismiss their effort? Would you say “anyone could have done that”?
Not likely. You’d celebrate them. You’d recognize their effort. You’d encourage them to keep going.
Do that for you. We deserve the same encouragement we so freely give to others.
So here’s my question for you: What would it look like to cheer for yourself?
Not in some far-off future when you’ve achieved something “big enough” to deserve it. I mean I know my Oscar is coming but… Right now. Today. For the things we’re actually doing, the efforts we’re actually making, the challenges we’re actually facing.
What would it look like to pick up your metaphorical pompoms and give yourself a cheer for:
- Making it through a hard week
- Trying something new even though you were scared
- Setting a boundary even though it was uncomfortable
- Creating something even though it wasn’t perfect
- Showing up even though you were exhausted
- Keeping your fire burning even though the world felt dark
We don’t have to wait until we’ve done something “worthy enough.”
We get to cheer for ourselves right now. Just as we are. “Give me a G!”
Bringing Back the Cheer
I’m still learning this. I still struggle with it. I still catch myself dismissing my own efforts and celebrating everyone else’s. I still haven’t finished that brag book.
But I’m also learning that self-encouragement isn’t selfish. It’s part of survival. It’s how we keep our SoulFires burning when the world tries to extinguish them. It’s how we remember we’re capable, worthy, and valuable—not because of what we produce or achieve, but because of who we are and the effort we bring.
So here’s to speaking to ourselves like people we want to actually cheer for. Here’s to picking up those pompoms—literal or metaphorical—and celebrating our own gorgeous, joy-filled wins.
Because we deserve it. And because we burn brighter when we fuel ourselves with our own encouragement.
Now tell me: What’s one thing you’re going to cheer for yourself about today? Drop it in the comments. Let’s practice this together.
P.S. If you need a little extra encouragement: Know that I believe in you. I’m cheering for you.* 🔥
Until the firelight calls you back,
Jeny